Boundaries
Establishing boundaries with people especially family members is an example of growing pains. It's a way to start developing a sense of separateness from them and a sense of freedom as adults. Growing up in a hispanic household can sometimes mean that you often help your parents translate documents, help them schedule appointments, help them pay bills online, no matter what it is, it can be exhausting because not only do we have our own lives to manage but it may seem like they are always going to need us.
Establish Boundaries 101:
Your soul is longing for freedom and unlearning old patterns means you need to start getting uncomfortable saying no
You have conditioned them to keep asking you for assistance because you never say no.
You should expect that they are going to get upset at you, maybe guilt trip you but stay on your ground if you hope to get rid of old patterns. Like anything, healing takes time!
Just because they reacted a certain way does not mean you did anything wrong.
Relationship Problems
You may have just gotten out of a relationship or you're still in the relationship trying to work it out for the tenth time. It takes two to tango in relationships, which means it's not just his fault, there may also have been parts of you that played a role in this dance. Sit with me in the discomfort to identify what is coming out for you to address. Is it that you could also work on conflict resolution skills, what defense mechanisms do you engage in, what behaviors and habits have you brought to this relationship as a result of how loved was modeled for you? While it may be discomforting to be challenged in therapy, without discomfort there is no growth.
First Generation Mindset
You may not have grown up with means. The messaging that you may have heard is "trabaja duro" (work hard) and from there on you have equated working hard with making money, surviving, fulfillment in life. So now you made it, you've graduated or have a degree on your belt but you may be feeling sad like everything is a struggle and we have to do this job because that's what we went to school for. I'm an advocate for reframing old belief systems like these. We often forget that our parents migrated here to give us a better life and part of our job is to use this opportunity to work smarter, not harder and to learn that there can also be room for joy in this lifetime. It's important to reflect on how work was modeled for you by your parents and ask yourself is it working for you?
Slowing Down
There is a saying that says "slow and steady wins the race." We live in a society that is always on the go and I know that it can feel like slowing down is not an option. But sometimes when you are at the peak of feeling overwhelmed, the best thing you can do is nothing. That's right, doing nothing and slowing down can help you regulate, increase your attunement to the voice inside of you, be able to pay attention to what your body is saying to you, what's working or not working. Feeling overwhelmed and overworked can be linked to survival mechanisms rooted in our past. Here’s how:
Fight-or-Flight Response: The stress response, or "fight-or-flight," is a survival mechanism that prepares the body to deal with perceived threats. Work pressures and overwhelming responsibilities can trigger this response, leading to feelings of being overworked and overwhelmed.
Heightened Awareness: Feeling overwhelmed can make us more alert and aware of our surroundings, which was essential for survival in dangerous environments. In a work context, this heightened state can lead to increased productivity in the short term but is not sustainable.
Resource Management: In stressful situations, the body prioritizes immediate survival needs over long-term health. This can lead to neglecting self-care and personal needs, as all energy is directed towards dealing with the perceived threat (e.g., work deadlines or overwhelming tasks).