Blanca Martinez, LCSW

Boundaries

Growing up in a Hispanic household often means taking on responsibilities like translating documents, scheduling appointments, or helping with online bills for your parents. It can be exhausting, as we juggle our own lives while feeling like they might always need our help. The reason you're feeling frustrated with all these responsibilities now is that what you once accepted, you're no longer okay with. You've reached a breaking point, where you feel the need to start setting boundaries.

Establish Boundaries 101:

Your soul is telling you, you need space to grow, to breathe, and to focus on your own needs. Putting boundaries is a way of honoring yourself, recognizing that while helping others has been a big part of your life, you're now ready to protect your own energy and prioritize your well-being.
Unlearning old patterns means you need to start getting uncomfortable saying no
Others have become accustomed to seeking your help because you’ve always been willing to say yes.
You should expect that they are going to get upset at you, maybe guilt trip you but stay on your ground if you hope to get rid of old patterns. Like anything, healing takes time!
Just because they reacted a certain way does not mean you did anything wrong.

Relationship Problems

You may have just gotten out of a relationship or you're still in the relationship trying to work it out for the tenth time. It takes two to tango in relationships, which means it's not just his fault, there may also have been parts of you that played a role in this dance. Sit with me in the discomfort to identify what is coming out for you to address. Is it that you could also work on conflict resolution skills, what defense mechanisms do you engage in, what behaviors and habits have you brought to this relationship as a result of how loved was modeled for you? While it may be discomforting to be challenged in therapy, without discomfort there is no growth.

First Generation Mindset

You may not have grown up with much, and the message you heard was often "trabaja duro" (work hard), leading you to equate hard work with making money, survival, and life fulfillment. Now, you’ve achieved a degree or a stable job, yet you might still feel unfulfilled, as if life is a struggle and you're stuck in a role simply because it's what you trained for. I believe in rethinking these old beliefs. We sometimes overlook that our parents came here to create better opportunities for us, and part of our role is to work smarter, not harder, and to remember that joy can also be part of our journey. Take time to consider how work was modeled for you by your parents, and ask yourself if the way you're working now truly serves you.

Slowing Down & Perceived Threat

There’s a saying, “slow and steady wins the race.” In a society that’s always on the go, it can feel like slowing down isn’t an option. But when you’re at your most overwhelmed, sometimes the best thing you can do is nothing. Taking a pause allows you to recalibrate, tune into your inner voice, and listen to what your body is telling you about what’s working and what isn’t. Often, feeling overwhelmed and overworked stems from survival mechanisms rooted in our past. Perceived threat:

Fight-or-Flight Response: The stress response, or "fight-or-flight," is a survival mechanism that prepares the body to deal with perceived threats. Work pressures and overwhelming responsibilities can trigger this response, leading to feelings of being overworked and overwhelmed.

Heightened Awareness: Feeling overwhelmed can make us more alert and aware of our surroundings, which was essential for survival in dangerous environments. In a work context, this heightened state can lead to increased productivity in the short term but is not sustainable.

Resource Management: In stressful situations, the body prioritizes immediate survival needs over long-term health. This can lead to neglecting self-care and personal needs, as all energy is directed towards dealing with the perceived threat (e.g., work deadlines or overwhelming tasks).